A reading...

A reading from the gospel of Amanda.. (HAHA) So apparently i should try and post more? i've been told this numerous times. so here goes nothing!!

So i had a flex day today, total bliss. this means i only have a 3 day week. what could be better?? feeling a bit 'over everything at the moment' and seeking a little bit of 'guidance' in my life. So today, was ROAD trip day! dum dum dum......

I spent today in the beautiful byron bay, i've lately had this real 'attachment' to byron. just feel like it's somewhere that i have a special feeling... not sure why?? .

So i started my day nice and early and went down for a 'reading' with the fantastic Scott Alexander-King at Animal Dreaming. http://www.animaldreaming.com/index.php/about/about-scott  

http://www.animaldreaming.com/index.php/about/about-animal-dreaming

What a truly unique and amazing spirit he is.

It's quite personal and close to my heart, the reading. I don't want to 'share' it so openly. I guess though what i want to say about it is, i have definitely always been a 'non believer' in the 'physic' type 'thing' i rolled my eyes when i first heard that someone could 'see the animals' around you. however, i saw him just over 12 months ago, and was truly moved... i was moved that this man who had absolutely no idea who i was, knew so much about me, and could tell me word for word about my child hood. The animals that surrounded me, were there to serve a purpose for me at that particular point in my life. just over 12 months later, these animals have changed.

Today, I went for a 'top up' i guess. i got a lot of 'answers' that i needed last year, he never told me 'what to do' but it gave me the strength to know that the path i was walking was not the path i wanted to be on, and i needed to create my own. it was time to make those big changes in my life that i'd been longing to for along time. It gave me that 'guidance' that i was seeking.

I now know what i need to do... I need to set some goals to get there, i need to deal with some 'unresolved issues' from my past... without letting go of the past, i will never set myself free.

To be continued.....

Monday...

So, today is Monday! Coming down from a busy weekend!

I've been told I need to make blog posts.... SO HERE IT GOES!!

I have had a few things happen this week just gone that were a little crazy! It started on Thursday, with a very excited visit to the hairdresser. I had decided that I wanted to change my hair! I've been dark black for quite some time, whilst i loveeee the shiny and 'healthy' look all the time, I saw Michelle Bridges on the Biggest Loser makeover show last week and got all inspired. Her hair is 'lighter brown' and i just thought it looked lovely and i could TOTALLY rock that.... So off to the hairdresser i toddle.

BIG MISTAKE! .......... Look what happens...

Spent Friday night in the hairdressers chair fixing it.....thank GOD! It was terrible.. i was so traumatised. needless to say my hair is now cut short, which i did not want.. and back to black.. haha really round about way to get a haircut!!! lol.....

Saturday night I had a 30th with my team MOJO partner Jodie.. We wanted a full length photo because we both have no had any together.... Good to see a full length photo of us side by side, i think it's finally starting to click that our hard work is starting to maybe a little bit show?!! Bring it on! :)

It's nearly the end of MARCH!

So it's been awhile and we are at March 2012.

I thought I would add some pictures to 'compare' - this is me September 2010.Thailand approx 90 KG

September 2011 - The wedding 79KG

I spent all of December 2011 and January 2012 overseas travelling through uk,europe,egypt and UAE. It was absolutely AMAZING. I was 80.0 when i went away. I came back 80.9. Not a bad effort for eating what i wanted when i wanted. However, A week back at work and i was up to 82.5. Emotional eating? bored eating? I sit behind a desk all day. So i probably do think it's mostly that.

Back into exercise, back into the 'mojo' and just keep going forward.

Me from the weekend - back to 79 again.

the 'GOAL' at this stage is 68-69.

What i'm doing? exercising! and eating 'clean' it's not rocket science is it?? Lite n Easy is my 'food choice' seems to be working, i'm lazy and 'busy' so it's convenient at this stage! exercise - I am Personal Training with my Team Mojo partner 2 mornings a week Tues/Thurs for 45 mins. I am playing netball tuesday nights. and in between cardio at the gym. Going to start weights training too.  We are at this stage trying very hard to go 4-6 times a week, and sometimes we will go twice a day. I've been hit with a bit of sickness at the moment (sinus infection) so i havent been running at full capacity!

Mini goals - 28/04 - want to do the couch to 5km 5k run without stopping.

first week in september - want to do bridge to brisbane 10km and run it all.

Stay tuned :)

It's time to be accountable.

So I have decided..... I am going to start 'blogging' my journey!  I have been 'battling the bulge' for quite some time. 

What haven't i 'tried!' remedy after remedy. Quick fix queen right here!! Sustainable ? Maintainable! No way!!

For me it's just as much a physical battle as it is a mental battle. Let's go back to the catalyst for it all.  In September 2010 I was in an emotional state of despair. I was simply just 'existing' in my life. My BFF took me on a much needed girls trip away.  I came back somewhat refreshed but still miserable. I was at my heaviest between 90-95 kgs. How did I let this happen? Dum dum dum.. In enters the phone call to 'Jenny' yep! That's right! Jenny Craig! My official 'Jenny' starting weight was 90kgs. Wow!  For the first 8 weeks I was the strictest I've ever been. I went on 'alcohol ban' and Pretty much ate perfect. But then, I discovered the worst thing ever. I can still eat 'naughty' yummy food and the scales are decreasing!!  Woo hoo right? Wrong. This just lead to a bigger case of self destructive binge eating.   So 2010 is drawing to a close I'm about 85 kgs and still miserable.
It's time to commit to Jenny again, and up my exercise. January -march 2011 is up and down and stuff around. Then in around April I discover booty camp! And a great motivating girlfriend! Booty camp is boot camp for women run by women 2 times a week Monday/Wednesday night for me 6-7pm for a 6 week rotation at a time. 
Netball season starts too! I'm exercising heaps and eating "okay ish" finally get near the 80kg mark!! Just need to crack the 70s!  May rolls around, I lose an instant 85kgs of ex boyfriend. Bam. Crack those 70s within a month or so.

I'm still fighting with myself at this stage. I'm happy but I don't love myself. I know I need to get "me" right. 
Up my exercise still eat shit with some healthy and feeling this constant pressure to be perfect. Enter binge eat!! 

Cycling..... Emotional binge eating lots of cheese... Crackers wine.... Going out on weekends... Drinking..... Dinners with girlfriends... Single girls gotta party right?? 

My priorities shift yet again. My goal gets put on the back burner! How unfair to me.  In July/August my brain starts to get it together again. Alcohol ban again, 6 weeks woo hoo!! Semi clean eating 'mostly' and 6 days a week of exercising!! Feeling great and busy!! 77.7!!!

Mid August, roll my ankle at netball. Do the major ligament cannot walk. In enters what shall now be known as miserable manda!! Cannot move , sad , no motivation -lets eat junk! 80! Yuck... 

Take it easy all of August! It's a close friends wedding mid september! Back on track!  I walked down the isle at about 79. My goal was 75 by the wedding. Readjust.  

Skip forward to now... This week has been salads and lean meat. The cleanest I've eaten for a long time!! So I have decided I want to be accountable and really blog my journey. I want to put pictures up too. Before...... Progress shots... Today I am 78.2. Stay tuned! 

I ate eight in eight .....

So i've set a challenge with some of my girlfriends, its an 8kgs in 8 week weight loss challenge!

I'm two weeks in, and i think i've probably put on 2 kgs! Crazy!! I have this terrible tendency to self sabotage. Anytime I put pressure on myself I stress out about not succeeding and I set myself up for failure!!

I think it's because I'm deep inside, a 'I have to get it right' 'I have to be perfect' type person. who me?! I hear the chiming already!! Yes me!!

I've started to get back into my exercising with a close friend, who is also doing the 8 in 8 challenge, she's very determined and motivated, I'm very lucky to have her support! We are doing pretty amazing with our exercise, but I just can't get it ALL right, and it's frustrating!!

I wish it was not such a constant battle all the time!  Guess as they say - life was not meant to be easy!!

"Om Namah Shivaya"

So, I thought I would share some background around my blog title ''Om Namah Shivaya''  it is known as the great redeeming mantra also known as five-syllable mantra.

The meaning :  
It means  "I bow to Shiva." Shiva is the supreme reality, the inner Self. It is the name given to consciousness that dwells in all. Shiva is the name of your true identity- your self. 

According to Hindu mythology there are three Gods who run this creation. The Brahma - who creates the universe, the Vishnu - who preserves the Universe and the Shiva- who in the end destroys the universe. Among the three deities, Shiva, though considered as destroyer, also symbolize the  - the inner self which remains intact even after everything ends. 

In this mantra the chanter (one who repeats the mantra) bow to Shiva- his true self.

Om Namah Shivay is a very powerful mantra. It has been said about this mantra that if this mantra vibrates continually in your heart, then you have no need to perform austerities, to meditate, or to practise yoga. To repeat this mantra you need no rituals or ceremonies, nor must you repeat it at an auspicious time or in a particular place." This mantra is free of all restrictions. It can be repeated by anyone, young or old, rich or poor and no matter what state a person is in, it will purify him.

How to repeat 'Om Namah Shivay' 

            Sit in a comfortable and peaceful  place and position. Start repeating the mantra in your mind or loudly with the same speed as you talk: 

 Om Namah Shivay (Aum Num-ha Shi-why)

(Sidenote... If you are going to repeat this mantra or any mantra, ensure you repeat it with full awareness of its meaning)

 Repeat 'Om Namah Shivay', with the feeling that you are bowing to Shiva - your true inner self. Repeat this mantra with respect. The inner self is the form of God in you. So as you say ' Om Namah Shivay' i.e. "I bow to Shiva'; you are actually bowing to God - The great almighty. The repetition of the name of God is equivalent to be merged in his very being.  When you repeat God's name in your mouth, in one way, you experience the God itself. Just repeat this mantra with faith and it's powerful phonetic vibrations will start doing miracle for you.

So, to summarize..... '' I honour the divinity within myself... ''

I love it, it's something different. I try my hardest to ensure that I do it, but I don't always remember...

More of the airy fairy, 'new age stuff' lol ( I was so bleh about it all, ask me about 18 months ago, and I was a completely different person about all of this....) I think as I've grown into myself, I have started to become less judgemental (comeon I said LESS!!) and I really believe that there is more out there....

What else can I talk about? What I'm reading! ...Louise L. Hay - You can heal your life. Fantastic! I've had a series of issues/injuries.. in my body for quite some time... neck pain, and most recently hip pain. Louise basically believes that unresolved ''issues'' create dis-ease within the body. She believes that all 'dis-ease' comes from a state of unforgiveness. whenever we are ill, we need to search our hearts to see who it is we need to forgive.

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She gives you a series of positive affirmations to repeat each day.. I am not sure if they are working I'm not committed enough to 'do them' everyday. perhaps that's the key? hehe.. I am a work in progress!!

So let me give you a couple of my 'own examples'

Hip problems - probable cause: fear of going forward in major decisions. nothing to move forward to

New thought pattern  - I am in perfect balance. I move through life with ease and with joy at every age.

Burtisis -probable case: repressed anger wanting to hit someone

New thought pattern - love relaxes and releases all unlike itself.

Neck problems -probabe cause:l refusing to see other sides of a question. stubbornness , in flexibility. -

New thought pattern - it is with flexibility and ease that I see all sides of an issue. there are endless ways of doing things and seeing things. I am safe.

That's about all I can think about writing tonight!!

Day 1 - 1/4 life crisis...

So, Here I am! I have finally succumbed to 'blogging' the concept has always intrigued me somewhat, however I have always wondered what on earth i would find to blog about.

Let's start with the 'quarter life' crisis... approximately two months ago, I decided enough was enough. I had been in a relationship for almost two years. I had not been happy for a long time, I was however in extreme denial about it.

I thought that if I just tried really really hard to 'fix it' and get it right, (that's a whole other blog!!) then all of my problems would be solved. I would fix it all and he would love me as much as I thought I was supposed to be loved. The illusion, of 'in love' ....head over heels, one day my prince will come.....

Reality.... when those rose coloured glasses came off I realised that this is totally not what I want in my life.

The butterflies were gone, but then I found myself questioning if they were ever really there?

I have now said the words, they have come out of my mouth. What do I do now? Everything I have known for the last two years has come crashing down around me, and I am alone. Wow - Alone. for the first time really in 5 years, I am completely alone. I am excited, I am scared... I am a mixed emotional bag! I know deep within me though, that this is what I want.. for the first time in 24 years, I stop and question, what I want.