It's time to be accountable.

So I have decided..... I am going to start 'blogging' my journey!  I have been 'battling the bulge' for quite some time. 

What haven't i 'tried!' remedy after remedy. Quick fix queen right here!! Sustainable ? Maintainable! No way!!

For me it's just as much a physical battle as it is a mental battle. Let's go back to the catalyst for it all.  In September 2010 I was in an emotional state of despair. I was simply just 'existing' in my life. My BFF took me on a much needed girls trip away.  I came back somewhat refreshed but still miserable. I was at my heaviest between 90-95 kgs. How did I let this happen? Dum dum dum.. In enters the phone call to 'Jenny' yep! That's right! Jenny Craig! My official 'Jenny' starting weight was 90kgs. Wow!  For the first 8 weeks I was the strictest I've ever been. I went on 'alcohol ban' and Pretty much ate perfect. But then, I discovered the worst thing ever. I can still eat 'naughty' yummy food and the scales are decreasing!!  Woo hoo right? Wrong. This just lead to a bigger case of self destructive binge eating.   So 2010 is drawing to a close I'm about 85 kgs and still miserable.
It's time to commit to Jenny again, and up my exercise. January -march 2011 is up and down and stuff around. Then in around April I discover booty camp! And a great motivating girlfriend! Booty camp is boot camp for women run by women 2 times a week Monday/Wednesday night for me 6-7pm for a 6 week rotation at a time. 
Netball season starts too! I'm exercising heaps and eating "okay ish" finally get near the 80kg mark!! Just need to crack the 70s!  May rolls around, I lose an instant 85kgs of ex boyfriend. Bam. Crack those 70s within a month or so.

I'm still fighting with myself at this stage. I'm happy but I don't love myself. I know I need to get "me" right. 
Up my exercise still eat shit with some healthy and feeling this constant pressure to be perfect. Enter binge eat!! 

Cycling..... Emotional binge eating lots of cheese... Crackers wine.... Going out on weekends... Drinking..... Dinners with girlfriends... Single girls gotta party right?? 

My priorities shift yet again. My goal gets put on the back burner! How unfair to me.  In July/August my brain starts to get it together again. Alcohol ban again, 6 weeks woo hoo!! Semi clean eating 'mostly' and 6 days a week of exercising!! Feeling great and busy!! 77.7!!!

Mid August, roll my ankle at netball. Do the major ligament cannot walk. In enters what shall now be known as miserable manda!! Cannot move , sad , no motivation -lets eat junk! 80! Yuck... 

Take it easy all of August! It's a close friends wedding mid september! Back on track!  I walked down the isle at about 79. My goal was 75 by the wedding. Readjust.  

Skip forward to now... This week has been salads and lean meat. The cleanest I've eaten for a long time!! So I have decided I want to be accountable and really blog my journey. I want to put pictures up too. Before...... Progress shots... Today I am 78.2. Stay tuned! 

I ate eight in eight .....

So i've set a challenge with some of my girlfriends, its an 8kgs in 8 week weight loss challenge!

I'm two weeks in, and i think i've probably put on 2 kgs! Crazy!! I have this terrible tendency to self sabotage. Anytime I put pressure on myself I stress out about not succeeding and I set myself up for failure!!

I think it's because I'm deep inside, a 'I have to get it right' 'I have to be perfect' type person. who me?! I hear the chiming already!! Yes me!!

I've started to get back into my exercising with a close friend, who is also doing the 8 in 8 challenge, she's very determined and motivated, I'm very lucky to have her support! We are doing pretty amazing with our exercise, but I just can't get it ALL right, and it's frustrating!!

I wish it was not such a constant battle all the time!  Guess as they say - life was not meant to be easy!!

"Om Namah Shivaya"

So, I thought I would share some background around my blog title ''Om Namah Shivaya''  it is known as the great redeeming mantra also known as five-syllable mantra.

The meaning :  
It means  "I bow to Shiva." Shiva is the supreme reality, the inner Self. It is the name given to consciousness that dwells in all. Shiva is the name of your true identity- your self. 

According to Hindu mythology there are three Gods who run this creation. The Brahma - who creates the universe, the Vishnu - who preserves the Universe and the Shiva- who in the end destroys the universe. Among the three deities, Shiva, though considered as destroyer, also symbolize the  - the inner self which remains intact even after everything ends. 

In this mantra the chanter (one who repeats the mantra) bow to Shiva- his true self.

Om Namah Shivay is a very powerful mantra. It has been said about this mantra that if this mantra vibrates continually in your heart, then you have no need to perform austerities, to meditate, or to practise yoga. To repeat this mantra you need no rituals or ceremonies, nor must you repeat it at an auspicious time or in a particular place." This mantra is free of all restrictions. It can be repeated by anyone, young or old, rich or poor and no matter what state a person is in, it will purify him.

How to repeat 'Om Namah Shivay' 

            Sit in a comfortable and peaceful  place and position. Start repeating the mantra in your mind or loudly with the same speed as you talk: 

 Om Namah Shivay (Aum Num-ha Shi-why)

(Sidenote... If you are going to repeat this mantra or any mantra, ensure you repeat it with full awareness of its meaning)

 Repeat 'Om Namah Shivay', with the feeling that you are bowing to Shiva - your true inner self. Repeat this mantra with respect. The inner self is the form of God in you. So as you say ' Om Namah Shivay' i.e. "I bow to Shiva'; you are actually bowing to God - The great almighty. The repetition of the name of God is equivalent to be merged in his very being.  When you repeat God's name in your mouth, in one way, you experience the God itself. Just repeat this mantra with faith and it's powerful phonetic vibrations will start doing miracle for you.

So, to summarize..... '' I honour the divinity within myself... ''

I love it, it's something different. I try my hardest to ensure that I do it, but I don't always remember...

More of the airy fairy, 'new age stuff' lol ( I was so bleh about it all, ask me about 18 months ago, and I was a completely different person about all of this....) I think as I've grown into myself, I have started to become less judgemental (comeon I said LESS!!) and I really believe that there is more out there....

What else can I talk about? What I'm reading! ...Louise L. Hay - You can heal your life. Fantastic! I've had a series of issues/injuries.. in my body for quite some time... neck pain, and most recently hip pain. Louise basically believes that unresolved ''issues'' create dis-ease within the body. She believes that all 'dis-ease' comes from a state of unforgiveness. whenever we are ill, we need to search our hearts to see who it is we need to forgive.

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She gives you a series of positive affirmations to repeat each day.. I am not sure if they are working I'm not committed enough to 'do them' everyday. perhaps that's the key? hehe.. I am a work in progress!!

So let me give you a couple of my 'own examples'

Hip problems - probable cause: fear of going forward in major decisions. nothing to move forward to

New thought pattern  - I am in perfect balance. I move through life with ease and with joy at every age.

Burtisis -probable case: repressed anger wanting to hit someone

New thought pattern - love relaxes and releases all unlike itself.

Neck problems -probabe cause:l refusing to see other sides of a question. stubbornness , in flexibility. -

New thought pattern - it is with flexibility and ease that I see all sides of an issue. there are endless ways of doing things and seeing things. I am safe.

That's about all I can think about writing tonight!!

Day 1 - 1/4 life crisis...

So, Here I am! I have finally succumbed to 'blogging' the concept has always intrigued me somewhat, however I have always wondered what on earth i would find to blog about.

Let's start with the 'quarter life' crisis... approximately two months ago, I decided enough was enough. I had been in a relationship for almost two years. I had not been happy for a long time, I was however in extreme denial about it.

I thought that if I just tried really really hard to 'fix it' and get it right, (that's a whole other blog!!) then all of my problems would be solved. I would fix it all and he would love me as much as I thought I was supposed to be loved. The illusion, of 'in love' ....head over heels, one day my prince will come.....

Reality.... when those rose coloured glasses came off I realised that this is totally not what I want in my life.

The butterflies were gone, but then I found myself questioning if they were ever really there?

I have now said the words, they have come out of my mouth. What do I do now? Everything I have known for the last two years has come crashing down around me, and I am alone. Wow - Alone. for the first time really in 5 years, I am completely alone. I am excited, I am scared... I am a mixed emotional bag! I know deep within me though, that this is what I want.. for the first time in 24 years, I stop and question, what I want.